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Every good story has at least two sides. This fictional story has at least twenty. But don’t worry, in this post I’m only diving into the most important ones.
But first, we need to set the stage. There are children in the audience. To remind everyone to play nice we are starting this match with a soft jungle song by The Tokens – The Lion Sleeps Tonight
𝄞: “In the jungle, the mighty jungle”♬
𝄞: “The lion sleeps tonight”♬
𝄞: “Near the village, the peaceful village”♬
𝄞: “The lion sleeps tonight”♬
𝄞: “Hush, my darling, don’t fear, my darling”♬
𝄞: “The lion sleeps tonight”♬
𝄞: “A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh”♬
Background Story
This is the fictional story of two humble bike lanes on fictional Anystreet in a fictional working-class neighborhood in fictional Anytown, USA. These bike lanes are currently fairly isolated and unconnected. But they are a starting point for a bigger plan to provide a larger network. This network of bike lanes would then connect this working-class neighborhood to schools, libraries, grocery stores, restaurants, jobs, train stations, downtown businesses, neighboring towns, and recreational opportunities. Currently, these bike lanes benefit many AnyStreet residents- directly or indirectly. They are and will benefit anyone who wants to save $12,000 per year on car ownership and $2 per mile on car driving costs. They are and will benefit current and future students. They are and will benefit current and future bike commuters. They are and will benefit Anytown’s high-density transportation needs. They are and will benefit Anytown’s GHG emissions reduction goals. In fact, every bicycle rider here is a benefit to 8.2 billion residents on this planet.
Then, there is a long story about this neighborhood being an Equity Focus Area (EFA), which means that this neighborhood requires more TLC than it has received before. At least that is what MTC, SMC, C/CAG, ABAG, ARB, CARB, BAAQMD, and probably 20 more totally fictional organizations are saying. Basically, these organizations are saying – ‘historically* we have harmed this neighborhood more than others with freeway traffic, cut-through traffic, vehicle violence, air pollution, noise pollution, microplastics, and more. But we will be damned if we can’t give them at least a few decent sidewalks and bike lanes in return.’
“ABAG can help ensure that historically underserved communities have equitable access to housing and transportation that is within reach of jobs, services, and amenities.” [ABAG]
For those for which this is too complicated, let’s make this as simple as possible:
“If bike lanes are great for affluent children to get to their schools in Berkeley, Palo Alto, and Menlo Park, then they are even more important for children and families in low-income neighborhoods.“
*And with “historically,” we mean, of course, 2022, when AnyTown and AnyCounty decided to install another freeway lane and “Reimagined” reducing local bus service here.
Our Fighters are entering the ring
The ring is set, and the music blares through the speakers. The opponents enter from two sides. The announcer is shouting:
“Entering on the right side of history to the Queen song Bicycle Race – Our friends-of-bike-lanes.”
“On the Left and entering to Modest Mouse song Convenient Parking – Our friends-of-convenient-parking.”
[Audience is clapping and hollering]
Arguments made by the Car-Only-People
[ while the song Convenient Parking is still blaring through the speakers ]
Argument One: You might have to walk 5 min. or two blocks with six grocery bags and/or children. [empathy argument]
𝄞: “Convenient …”♬
𝄞: “Parking is way back, way back”♬
Argument Two: ‘My own’ parking spot in front of ‘my own’ home is used by other people now. [entitlement argument]
𝄞: “Convenient …”♬
𝄞: “Parking is way back, way back”♬
Argument Three: Don’t want to waste my own good lawn on useless storage space for my own vehicle. [greed argument]
𝄞: “Soon the chain reaction started in the parking lot”♬
𝄞: “Waiting to bleed onto the big streets”♬
Argument Four: As a NIMBY, I need to support the automobile industry with all my heart. The public must support my luxury lifestyle.
𝄞: “That bleed out onto the highways”♬
𝄞: “Well, aren’t you feeling real dirty sitting in your car with nothing?”♬
Argument Five: As a YIMBY, I need to support the automobile industry with all my heart. High-density housing: Yes. High-density transportation: Never.
𝄞: “Convenient …”♬
𝄞: “Parking is way back, way back”♬
Argument Seven: There are never any bicycles here! [Rome wasn’t built in one day.]
𝄞: “Convenient …”♬
𝄞: “Parking is way back, way back”♬
Argument Six: This is a possessive, aggressive neighborhood with more car violence and, therefore, it is very dangerous to cross the street to get to my car.
[Here, the very educated audience starts groaning: ‘Duh. Isn’t this car violence why people on foot and people on bicycles have been asking for more safety in the first place?“]
𝄞: “That bleed out onto the highways”♬
𝄞: “Well, aren’t you feeling real dirty sitting in your car with nothing?”♬
So far, there hasn’t been an argument that the car industry hasn’t recycled for the last 100 years. So far, this has all been arguments right out of a secret guidebook sent out by the Institute of Any Local Government (IALG) – founded by the Ford Foundation. The book is aptly named “How to steal more public funding for a car-centric lifestyle.“
Arguments made by the Friends-of-Bike-Lanes
[The background music switches to Cathies Classroom and “I like to ride my Bicycle” ]
A long line of proponents of these bike lanes start speaking now. The blows keep coming from public comments at the microphone and more comments have been sent via email.
𝄞: “I like to ride my bicycle.”
Argument One: There are residents who live along Humboldt Street speaking out to keep them.
𝄞: “I ride it every day.”
Argument Two: There are residents that don’t have cars.
𝄞: “I ride it when I go to school.”
Argument Three: There are single mothers who need their middle schoolers to ride to school safely.
𝄞: “Or when I want to play.”
Argument Four: There are fathers who ride with their kids to school most days.
𝄞: “I pedal all around the town.”
Argument Five: There are high schoolers who lobby for these bike lanes.
𝄞: “I pedal round and round and round.”
Argument Six: Someone is referencing the city’s Equity Plans
𝄞: “I pedal uphill and don’t you know.”
Argument Seven: Somebody is mentioning the city’s Climate Plans
𝄞: “I can even pedal fast. I can even pedal slow.”
Argument Eight: There are cyclists that ride several hundred miles per week
𝄞: “I like to ride my bicycle.”
Argument Nine: There a people on bicycles that just want to get coffee
𝄞: “I ride it everywhere.”
Argument Ten: There a people who started to consider getting a bicycle
𝄞: “Anywhere you need to go,”
[More blows are landing hard and precise now]
Argument …: Even the high schoolers recognize that this is about their future
𝄞: “A bike can take you there.”
Argument …: Safe-Routes-To-School moms from several schools speak out against “Bicycle Boulevards”
𝄞: “I pedal up, I pedal down.”
Argument …: More public comment about Equity and the Equity Framework: people without cars are people too.
𝄞: “I pedal round and round and round.”
Argument …: A former Mayor reminds the council why they did the bike lanes in the first place
𝄞: “And I always stop to say hello.”
Argument …: A planning commissioner reminds the council of all the work done for city’s General Plan 2040
𝄞: “But if I’m late for dinner I can go go go!”
Argument …: A cute kid reads his own written note to the council
𝄞: “I can go go go!”
Right about now, Las Vegas is feeling sorry for these car-only-people. The money line seems to indicate a landslide victory for the health-and-happiness people. The car-only people seem to function on life support. They don’t have a severe leg to stand on. Safety, Security, Equity, Health, and Sustainability are hard to beat with arguments like Convenience, Entitlement, and Greed. The people speaking out for the bike lanes live on Humboldt Street, whereas those speaking out against the bike lanes live on side streets and even across town. A lot of them have been brought in from other, unconnected neighborhoods.
And while the same is true for the active-transportation crowd, the difference is that transportation requires regional solutions and serves everyone. In contrast, private car storage is just a local problem.
Here come the Judges
The five judges have access to all the data provided by the ‘Friends of Bike Lanes’ and by all these organizations, Policies and Guidelines:
SB375 – “Sustainable Communities Act”, SB743 (2013), Intermodal Surface Transportation Efficiency Act of 1991 (ISTEA), California Clean Air Act (1988), American Heart Association (AHA), American Lung Association (ALA), American Cancer Society, American Association of People with Disabilities (AAPD), ADA, BFP, ARB, CARB, BAAQMD, BATFCA, AARP, CARE, FAST, SR2S, SR2T, RBP, RBN, Complete Streets Movement, Livable Communities, Bloomberg CityLab, LAB, People For Bikes, Bikes Belong, Bikes Make Lives Better, San Mateo County Bikeways Committee (1971), BATALC (1997), MTC, RTPCs, CATDA, SMCTA, SMCTA Measure A, RM2, TFCA, Grand Boulevard Initiative, TEACH, BOS, C/CAG, … and many, many more and even a few local ones.
Decent guides on how to build bike lanes: U.S. Department of Transportation (USDOT), American Association of State Highway and Transportation Officials (AASHTO) , AASHTO Bike Guide (1974), NACTO, The Netherlands, Denmark, Germany, Paris, Sevilla, … you name it.
The five judges also just heard a bunch of high school teenagers – who are already riding bicycles to school – talk about how great it would be if more children could be riding.
FINALLY – Let the Judges announce the winner of ‘The Rumble in The Jungle”
Las Vegas seems sure these judges did all their homework and read through all the guides provided. Understand all their city’s plans – signed and ratified. All they had to do was promise some improvements to the bike lanes and pretend just a little that they care about cars, too. But blame everything on the guidelines and plans and tell them that the city council’s hands are bound. The city council is usually very good at this.
Now, no actual vote has been taken tonight, and no real action is planned for afterward; this is just some general information gathering. Everybody seems to agree that “Bike Boulevards” and “Sharing the Road” are not a valid solution.
Now no actual vote is taken tonight, and no real action is planned for afterward; this is just some general information gathering. Everybody seems to agree that “Bike Boulevards” and “Sharing the Road” are not a solution. The arguments brought forward by these car-only people raise more questions than they answer. The city council would love to stall and ask for more studies. It looks like Las Vegas money is moving towards a Parking Demand Study to find the discrepancies between a few people with too many cars and the municipal code combined with the US Census. There are more cars parked on-street than there really should be.
For the scoring part of this Rumble in the Jungle, the five Judges have chosen Joni Mitchell’s Big Yellow Taxi – that is not a good sign:
𝄞: “Don’t it always seem to go”
Judge Doug “Lexus Lane” Ford II: “We love seeing kids at council meetings so we can crush their little spirits!“
𝄞: “That you don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone?”
Judge Doug “Lexus Parking” Ford III: “I keep hearing about ‘the future’. What future?“
𝄞: “They paved paradise, put up a parking lot“
Judge Doug “Bicycle Chumpion” Ford IV: “Vehicular cyclists invented the ‘Bike Boulevard’, we’ll be damned to give up now.“
𝄞: “Late last night, I heard the screen door slam”
Judge Doug “Me is Equity” Ford V: “I am only driving. I never find parking. Of course ‘equity’ is all about ‘my people’ owning too many cars.“
𝄞: “And a big yellow taxi took away my old man”
Judge Doug “What Bias” Ford VI: “I don’t need to learn about Equality, Bias or some ‘Equity Framework’ – I am here therefore ‘Equity’ achieved.“
𝄞: “They paved paradise and put up a parking lot”
𝄞: “They paved paradise and put up a parking lot”
This is the moment when the children start crying.
Conclusion
Las Vegas is outraged. Doug Ford did it again. More highways, no bike lanes. The money line believes the fight to remove bike lanes was fixed.
While all groups are storming out, the clean-up song is playing.
𝄞: “Richard Ramirez died today of natural causes”♬
𝄞: “Got amped up on speed and broke into houses”♬
𝄞: “His last murder was south of San Francisco”♬
𝄞: “A guy named Peter Pan from the town of San Mateo”♬
𝄞: “A little girl in the Tenderloin was his first”♬
𝄞: “In the laundry room, and took a dollar from her fist”♬
In all the Las Vegas outrage the next background music change to “When the Children Cry” goes totally unnoticed:
𝄞: “Little child, dry your crying eyes”♬
𝄞: “How can I explain the fear you feel inside?”♬
𝄞: “‘Cause you were born into this evil world”♬
𝄞: “Where man is killing man and no one knows just why”♬
𝄞: “What have we become? Just look what we have done”♬
𝄞: “All that we destroyed., you must build again”♬
𝄞: “When the children cry, let them know no one tried”♬
Editor’s Note: The views and opinions expressed in all blog posts are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect those of the Redwood City Pulse or its staff.
